Arbit.....(kuch bhee)

The lone flower

2011-09-04T20:32:00.000+05:30

Sitting by the ghat like i always did, at a distance I saw a bed of flowers. Somehow I hadnt noticed it before. I thought that they must have been seasonal. Even a lazy person like me got attracted to the flower bed. I moved towards it, almost involuntarily. It must have been around 20 meters from the flower bed, that i stopped! I thought that I did not fit in the scheme of things! The whole scene was mesmerizing. The morning dew created a spark in the flowers. As I watched senselessly, this yellow flower caught my eyes. It was so different. All other flowers were either blue or red. But this one was outstanding among the already beautiful ones.

From a distance I saw the flower. I wanted to get a closer view. I moved towards the flower now. At around 5 meters, something stopped me again. I thought it was there, so tender so gentle. how could I change that! I stopped there looking at the flower. For 5 minutes all i did was saw the petals and the center of the flower from where the petals emerged, wondering how the petals meshed with each other beautifully augmenting each other's beauty. How the dew drop just held there at the edge of the petal and the flower shone with the dew drop. I felt that the flower had given the dew drop a meaning. The dew drop would have been so worthless without the flower! I thought of myself.

I looked around the flower. It was so dull. Except for the colours of the flowers which made the whole bed look brilliant from a distance, I could see nothing much to appreciate. The bush on which it grew was thorny, the soil was muddy and even weedy. The other flowers were pale and dull. All I could think was how this flower was a misfit in the surroundings. Something told me to pick the flower and take it home. I stood there for a moment. I went ahead to pluck it from the bush. The next moment, I stood there in a strange disbelief! Something stopped me. May be the brilliance of the flower itself. I went back and sat on the ghats.

That night, there was a lot of rain. It was the monsoon and I loved the rain. I Loved the ghats and the water in the river. It gushed with more energy and the air would have more mist and chill. I slept well that night. The next morning I went to the ghat. The first thing I did was go to the flower bed. As I went closer, my heart shook with fear. The flower was no longer there! The downpour of the last night had taken the flower off the bush. I stood there wondering why I had not picked the flower the previous day. I stood there wondering. The temple bells rang. The two children still fetched water from the well. The water in the river kept flowing faster. The chill of the air hit me differently. I stood there like a stone. Unmoved.

The White Scar

2011-08-31T16:04:00.001+05:30

First the palm, he loved it there. It was such a sensation. Deep inside, he feared it would end him someday. The touch would be gone and so would the sensation. It would be numb. But he let it grow. The whole hand felt the same. Wasnt it good? White, his hand seemed strange. He loved the sensation. It was a disease, he knew. But then he was enjoying it. That day, while taking bath, he realised that it was there to stay. Scared he jumped around trying to get rid of it completely. Most of it was gone. Just a bit remained on the palms. He was happy. He enjoyed the sensation. He could not get rid of it completely but was happy that he subdued it completely. Just that a thin layer of the skin went with it together.A skin disease. Was it?
A few days, the white marks grew again. He wanted that sensation back again! He let it grow a bit. Again one day he was at it. trying to remove it completely. Some of the skin went with it. Again what remained was in the palm. He just had to close his fist to get rid of it completely. He thought of that sensation again. Didnt he love it? He couldnt kill the sensation. Something did not let him.
Days passed, the scar grew again. He did not know what to call it. It was a skin disease he thought. A beautiful one. This time, he was caught up in a lot of weird stuff. The scar reached his neck! He realized but knew he could get rid of it as he did the last couple of times. It was just that he had to do it once. A few days later, he decided to remove it. This time, it was more difficult but then he managed. Managed to remove it completely. Even from his palm. He could not react. He looked at his palm, touched it and felt that it was gone! He was happy that it was gone, but that sensation had too!
A couple of days later, he saw the white scar on his forehead! He looked at the mirror again. The scar now grew from inside his head! He shook in fear. There was no way the scar could now go! It was a part of him. He could only hide it by removing it each day from him forehead. But the scar was deep inside him. To end it completely was no longer as easy as closing his fist! He had to get rid of himself this time! It was a part of him.
He did not care. He loved the sensation. He would not kill either his self or his own self! He could not. He closed his eyes and let all senses enjoy the sensation.

The Line Maker with no name

2011-08-18T14:52:00.005+05:30

A child
A small kid of five, he frivolously kept making linings on the sand. He made those lines, stood up, went around, saw the lines, giggled cutely, jumped in joy at times and then waited for the sea wave to erase whatever he had done so far. He would never go towards the sea, just stand there at the shore keep scratching the surface of the shore. A few meters away, on the sand, lay his mother looking at him from a distance. She could die seeing him giggle like that forever. These were the best moments of her life. She could feel him so close to her heart. As if her heart pounced with each of his jumps, it pumped blood each time he giggled. It stopped each time he drew the line on the sand as if he was making those lines on her body and she giggled instead. His laughter sounded like the whisper of the breeze in his ears. The wave sounded like the beats of his heart and each would sound like music to her ears. Each time the sea wave came close to wipe the lines drawn over the sand, she anticipated a new beginning. She waited for the same cycle of joy all over again. She had all her senses mesmerized.

Still a Child
A couple of years later, he would still keep making those lines. A few boys of around his age would play football at a distance. The ball would take a leap and he would look at them and wave his hands acknowledging them. He would turn around and see them laugh all soaked in sand and water. They would occasionally come to him after the match and they would chat. As they left him, he would sit back making those meaningless lines on the shore again. The wave would come and blur those lines as they did for years now. He did not care.
As days passed, he would see these guys starting to mock at him, first it was a crooked smile. Then it turned to comments that they would make. Slowly it started to be loud laughing voices mocking at the lines he drew. They would often come to the place dance over his sketches and then rush back to playing football. He would step aside and let them dance and let them hate him and then when they went back he would get back to drawing lines again!

The mockery increased, he suddenly retreated. He was no longer to be seen. Even though the guys playing football hated him to the core, they began to miss him around them. His drawing those lines on the sand was a part of the picture now and a major part! He was there no matter how hot it was, how cold it was or how much it rained. Suddenly one day he wasn’t there. The village was small and every corner was known to everyone. His mother had died a couple of months back. He had always been a quiet guy. Just a gentle smile when someone came close to him. As friends, he knew these few guys playing football. He would never forget to bow his head and give a gentle smile when he passed by any familiar face, just to acknowledge their presence. His evenings were spent at a tea shop. The shop owner would pay him 20 bucks for a day and give him an afternoon meal and the dinner. That is how most of the villagers knew him.

The Anticipation
The coming week, there would be a huge mela, an annual celebration, where people from close by villages would come together and have a lot of fun. It was as cherished as a religious festival. The kids waited for it even more. It was the celebration of the harvest each year.

This time, they all heard of a sculptor who could make statues that looked exactly like a person. They were all waiting for him. People would have to travel 4 miles on foot to the mela. Some rich ones would use the horse carts or the ox carts that they had. But for most it would only be foot.

The Mela
At the mela, there were lights everywhere. It was fun filled. It was frolic. There was a charm in the air. There was a scent of flowers, there was music and there were chirps, chirps not of birds but of men, men and children. It was here that one realized that humans also chirped and it was not just birds that knew the art. There were thugs and there were saints. The women dressed up beautifully, so were men. Only Itra would differentiate the rich and the poor. Young girls dressed cutely looking at guys from the nearby villages and then laughing loudly when they saw some guy look at them.
As one entered the mela, one could see the tents. Each tent trying to be the center of the mela. The magician had 3 shows every evening, limited seats, 50 each show costing 10 bucks each. Then there was this tent with a baboon that could do tricks like humans did. People in the village had rarely seen a monkey. A baboon was a fascination. One ticket cost 2 rupees. Then there was this dance troop from somewhere in Arabia. It was ballet and was a rage among young and old men. They loved to see the ballet dancer. It was a place not for most women and children. Each ticket cost Rs. 10. Show for 45 men at a time! Then there was this game arena. The children and kids loved it. You had to throw rings over the dolls and the games. Each one who did, won the prize. Rs 2 for each try. There was the famous Bombay chat and the Delhi chat, both trying to beat each other. Both Rs. 2 for each plate.

The Art
At one corner, stood a lean guy with a small stick. No one would even notice him there. He kept working on sand. He made lines in the ground. He was looking at no one. There was no price to look at him. There was no fun either. He kept making lines. The only difference was that there were no waves here. All that he drew remained there. He did not call anyone to pay attention. He kept making lines and groves for an hour. A few kids that went that side in excitement saw some marks in the sand and left the scene seeing nothing great or fun. As everyone else engaged in the frolic at mela, he kept carving shapes on the ground. He hardly noticed the other tents and people around him. To him making the curve here was the same as making them on the sea shore.

An hour passed and the mela was at its peak. Suddenly people started circling the work on the sand. They were all bewildered to see the work. No one had ever realized how he had become an exponent at carving those lines and how his lines were so perfect. He could not just draw lines on the sand he could make figures with depth. The shapes now had not just the borders but also a curvature. He made them look so real. The figures would stand out as if shapes covered with thin sand. You could see bubbles of water in his work. Even the sound of the waves seemed complete given that the mela was just around 300 meters from the sea.

He kept working on his artwork for another hour. He hardly noticed the people around him. Once he was done, he receded into the darkness of the night, not to be seen anymore. He did not care what the world thought of his art. He knew what he could do and how much he had to improve before he could call himself a genius. Probably he never could. He never would. A life time he thought would never be enough to get to the depth of an ocean and understand it. He was at the shore of the ocean drawing curves. That is all that he had learnt in the last 10 years! All he knew was that he loved it and that is all that he cared.

Back to the village
The villagers talked about how the young village boy stole the show and left the famous artists completely pale. The next evening he was there at the tea shop as usual. The shop owner was happy to see him. People who had noticed him there began to appreciate his work. He looked at them, smiled, said “thank you” and quietly kept serving tea to the other customers. He knew this was his source of living. He could not sell his art. It was not for money. It was his love. He could not sell it. He would not either.

Imperfections.

2011-08-15T14:39:00.001+05:30

It is not for the perfect to see and appreciate the beauty and perfection in imperfection...

Relegion.. My views...

2011-08-15T08:27:00.001+05:30

This post is just a reflection of my opinion about religion in general.

The problem is that it is very easy to generalize, very easy to type cast things. I dont know if i should be saying this on an open forum, but i am generally very clear about my views (specially these)... The fact is that hindus/ muslims/ whatever are not good/ badd.. Everyone is human. And every human can be modified in a way that is defined by the environment and conditions that he lives in. I am also racist at times. I am sure there would be atleast 50 people who will hate me for writing this as well. A lot of Hindus have decided that all Muslims are like "that". Same with a lot of Muslims. They have decided that India is not for them and they cant progress in India or that they will always be oppressed. Look at what has happened to Sufism in Kashmir due to the minority hardliners and may be the oppression by the Indian forces and hatred there! I am not religious but i get attracted to Sufi music, so i pity what has happened there! Do we hear any sufi voice from Kashmir? I guess all we hear is war mongers and people ready for death. The beauty & softness associated with Kashmir is getting lost. The majority has lost its voice and has become the minority.

The important thing is that the SANE majority (I hope that the majority is moderate) should not let such insane minority take over.

It is a general notion that the past was perfect and the present is bad and the future far from good. I always remember the lines "ab na rahe wo peene wale ab na rahi wo madhushala" when i think of it. The fact is that there have always been good and bad people. People who have been moderate and people who have been intolerant. It is nothing new. Infact I think that the present is better than the future in this respect no matter how bleak it may seem. The fact is that there are no Crusades any more where children and women are sent to war because there are no men.

This is a gentle reminder to the sane world not to allow insanity to engulf us!

Helpless

2011-07-28T02:24:00.000+05:30

At the bottom of the waterfall.. i enjoyed the rain and the forest, wondering where the water came from and where it went from there... There was happiness in every drop that fell on my forehead. Every green leaf would spark its colours on me. Every splash would sound like music so pure.

Suddenly i realized, I did not know how to climb up to reach the source nor swim deep inside to find out how deep inside the earth the water went! All I could do was to see the water pour around me, soak me, and disappear. I wanted to force it to stay like that forever.

I stayed stranded hopelessly knowing that it would all pass and I would have to leave the forest like that. The waterfall all gone and the senses deprived of the magic. Forever.

Attempt at shayari :P

2011-07-27T20:11:00.001+05:30

tum thi ya hawaa ka ek jhonka tha...
hawa thi ya ek saaya tha wo....
ek khushboo thi betaab kar gayi wo...
ek ehsaas tha jab tak tha, madhosh raha mai...
chu kar aise gayi ki begana raha mai....

________________________________________________

Tumhari ek jhalak ke liye main yun bekaraar hoo..
Tere ek deedar ko meri rooh betaab hai...
Tum kya gaye alam ye hai ki tanhai bhee saath nahi
Bas tere chehre ki ek jhalak ka mujhko intezaar hai

________________________________________________

PS: No one laughs. If u do be silent... If u cant be silent then just laugh in ur mind... If u cant laugh in ur mind, let a bit of it pour out... :P

The lies on Truth

2011-07-12T14:47:00.000+05:30

They told you not to lie,
but truth they never told

Lies are so smooth and nice
Truth such a vice.

Never knew truth hurts so bad
Lies keep you so glad.

Truth they say cant be hid
Lies can be said to every kid

Voids that Truth creates
Lies can fill them all?

Remorse

2011-07-12T07:17:00.000+05:30

Today I come to thee with a repent body,
a beating heart and a flow of blood unusual.

Words I have none, and silence as you know
hurts more than a thousand bad words

I stand for penance, feel like totally naked.
Eyes not able to look into yours.

I know not the punishment but the pain is so severe deep inside
that it seems nothing worse can happen!

All night did nothing but buried my head into the pillow,
as if hiding it even from the darkness around.

Here i stand now ready to be dissected into pieces.
The body and the soul, both ripped apart!

The hollow world...

2011-07-11T16:49:00.000+05:30

Some people are so hollow that you hope not to talk to them again. All they are interested to know is how much money you earn! As if it is the end of the world! I dont know other societies but Marwaris know just this. Most of them!

Sometime dont feel like meeting relatives cos all they will try to extract is the number :D (Then I start to wonder shayad koi ladki khoj rahe hain mere liye :D) :D

The worst part is that they will not be straight! First question: so how many students.. 2nd Question: What's the fees.. 3rd: so u are alone?
and then they know enuf "maths" and i am like WTF!

If only life was such an easy calculation! Yeah money is important..

I feel so pathetic when i go to these parties and then see women wear gold ornaments... and feel like this is all they are living for! Some who dont have enuf keep feeling ashamed for no fault of their own.

Dont have a lot to say... but just hope that i dont become one of these people someday!

Revenge

2011-07-08T21:48:00.002+05:30

Seema looked at the baby in the cradle. Its small round eyes could hardly open. The face was red. The wrists and fingers hardly bore any bone! It was all muscles and red skin. The bells on cradle chimed beautifully. It giggled like it wanted to say everything but the joy deep inside did not let it speak a word. The chime she thought was useless there! She just wanted to see him giggle.
She had just returned from her office. The house was all empty. The baby and her. Manoj had probably gone out to the grocer. He would be there anytime soon. She had decided this long back. It was her turn now. She had it in her arms. She closes the gate and moves to the parking area. She puts the baby in the side seat and starts the car. Manoj had still not returned. Wasnt she pleased! She steered her car past Malviya Nagar to the very old looking area behind Sarvapriya Vihar. The fort was here. An old dilapidated one. A sign read "Archeological Survey of India, Protected Monument." The fort was not a famous one. Probably calling it a fort would sound strange. But then this is what it was. The walls were made of red sandstone, but it had linings of black. One could probably say that the wall was made of black with some linings of red. There were lot of shrubs growing around. Only the passage to the inside was cleared. Probably a lot of kids entered that fort through this path and that prevented the grass growth.
She gets out of the car with the baby. Climbs the couple of stairs that led to the open yard in the center. It was a small place. On one side was an old lady who looked like a beggar woman. Her hairs were all clumsy and her saree's colours were not at all visible. She ignored the woman and moved to the other side. There she put the baby on the floor and hurried to the outside. The old woman screamed something that she couldn't hear. She rushed to her car, sits inside and takes a long breath. She just sat in there for some time.
Inside, the old lady had the baby in her arms. She had a smile like any mother would. She kept looking at the baby. Suddenly she realized that it was the young girl who had left this baby here. She rushed outside. The girl was nowhere to be seen. A car stood there but she couldnt see the girl.
In the car, the stereo ran the song "ek bewafa se pyaar kiya... " Seema's eyes were remorseless. She hardly thought of anything. She took the car for a drive across Delhi. She crossed the AIIMS flyover, Akbar Road and then the India Gate. She made three full circles of the India Gate and then returned by the same route. She just kept driving for two hours. Probably she did not want to return home so soon.
Her phone rang. Manoj.... She looked at it and smiled. He now knows the pain. A drop of tear fell from her eyes. Just one. As if she drank the remaining like she did the last time. Her throat was heavy. She could not speak. She disconnected the phone. She stopped her car somewhere near Green Park. She closes her eyes. She sees the days when she and Manoj would sit together on the lawns of India gate, Manoj promising her a bright future. Her 19^th birthday, when he sang "gagan se bhee ooncha mera pyar hai" for her. How happy she was! Suddenly the betrayal. She could recalled how Manoj disclosed the secret marriage with Anu, her elder sister. Wasn’t she shattered!
Now she was here. She had no idea if she should call back Manoj. She decided not to.
The beggar woman took the child in her arms. Played with it. She loved the baby giggle. She had her grandchildren. Her son was very hardworking and had left home when he was 17. She lived alone in a shabby house and had almost no reason to live. Chirag, she started calling him. He gave him a new hope to live, a new reason. She wanted to see him grow older and wanted to work for him. The same evening, she went to the old lady at Sarvapriya Vihar, where she used to work 4-5 years back to see if some work was available. She thought the land lady was kind enough to give her work. Now she would be able to feed Chirag.
Meanwhile, Seema returned home with expected scenes. Anu was there, almost half fainted. She had nothing but tears. She cried like a baby. Her hairs where all messed up. She looked like the beggar woman in the fort. Anu was a girl who lived in Green Park before she got married to Manoj. They fell in love after she met Manoj at college. She had known Seema through Manoj for all this while. Anu was not very ambitious in the worldly sense of the word, but she had seen a great future with Manoj. She wanted to see Abhay as a very successful person. She was already dreaming of the grand children she would have. She had so far built a whole web of the future which included everything one could think of. The whole castle of sand seemed to have turned to dust.
Seema couldn’t look into her eyes. She went upto her and took her face in her hands. She tried to remove the tears but they wouldn’t stop flowing.
Manoj stood there at one end of the room. He was totally shattered. Tears did not flow, but he had lost everything. The police would be here anytime soon. But like most other incidents, this one would also go unnoticed. He had put an advertisement for a lost child in the next day’s newspaper. Seema looked into Manoj’s eyes. She had sympathy for him now, remorse she had none.

Khushi

2011-06-27T15:49:00.001+05:30

On the bed of the old shabby government hospital, lies this unnamed child. The mother's dead. Who cares? Its a hospital, people come, if they are lucky get better or else surrender to death.
The middle aged nurse, dressed in white, picks the child, hides her in an old newspaper wrapping. Slips out of the hospital early. Who cares about the child anyways? Reaches home, unwraps the baby, gives her a nice gentle bath. She's like the moon, gentle, tender and unadulterated. She reaches for her lips, gives her a kiss. Its her baby now. Ramesh sees the smile, and drops of tears. For Sana, married for 12 years without a child, Khushi is a gift of God.

The scenes

2011-06-27T15:09:00.001+05:30

Scene 1:
An old street. An shabbily dressed woman in her 30's, a baby in her arms. Looks around carefully in the dark of the night. Slips the baby in a fruit basket. She fades in the dark of the night.

Scene 2:
A hospital bed. A nurse dressed in white, a baby in her arms. Looks around carefully. Smiles a bit. Was it real. Slips out of the hospital.

Scene 3:
A Posh House. A rich girl in her teens, a baby in her arms. Looks around carefully. Cold eyes. Drops the baby in her car. Hurries outside. The car stops in an open area. Leaves it in under an old tree.

Scene 4:
A very shabby hut. A poor woman, a baby in her arms. Looks carefully around. Smile on her face. The child is hers.

Scene 5:
A leper. A baby in her arms. Looks carefully around. Drops the child in the well. Tears drop from her eyes. Smile on her face.

Gulmarg

2011-06-25T12:43:00.007+05:30

The sound of the guns had receded. The hills had gone silent. It sky had no birds. The war had ended. So had the village. Only the punctured houses reminded of something wrong. Twelve mile away on the other side of the hill was a different world. People, mostly women, children and some old men. Some of their eyes couldn't yet stop flowing once in a while. They were not in their control, a few children played hide and seek in the same camp. They had no idea why the tears were flowing at all. Probably they did not even know why tears were.
A young girl Rukhsaar, around 18 sat there unmoved. Her eyes were deep, as if they hid a whole world in them. She was fair as most of the other Kashmiri girls. Her face was white. She wore an old robe which covered her almost completely. She had almost no ornaments, as simple as a new born child. Who would she dress for in any case? Both her parents died the previous Sunday when she had gone to fetch water and her house was hit by a shell. She would have died crying that night itself had her neighbor Asma not visited her. She fainted multiple times during that night. The tears had almost dried out. She knew most of the people there. But she hardly talked now, no one did. A week back, the whole village was her own. Its the same people, but the village! She doesnt think that much. The day passed on.
That morning, a young man in his twenties had come to the camp. It was not very common after all. Why would someone want to share the sorrows of others. He was in his mid twenties. A lean tall man. He wore a pagdi, traditional among the shepherds. He did not smile. Hardly gave an expression. He had a flock of 40 sheep. He had been roaming in these forests with the sheep for three days. Yesterday he was in the village. No one lived in the village anymore to tell the story but the houses did. In these three days he had met just 7 people. He saw her in a minute.
All through the day they hardly exchanged an eye contact. Deep within, her heart was throbbing. She could feel her palm beating. Her heart gave the beats that it would when she had first met him. The wait for the night was way too long. The sun did not seem to move all day. She could not share her feelings with anyone around. Finally, the moon was in its full glow. The wolves cried from deep inside the forest. The crickets chirped. The camp was absolutely still. Even the children were asleep. The sky was dark with no stars. It was all open and clear. The moon did not want to hide that night. It wanted to see them. Rukhsaar knew exactly where he was. Her eyes might not have spoken a word but they could see it all. He huddled his sheep moved across the camp passing through it. She stepped out behind the sheep. She was one of them; following the master wherever he led without questioning why. Thee hours later, they were 4 miles from the camp. She stepped out of the sheep. Came closed to him. She smiled for the first time in the last many days. He was here. Gulmarg was here. Summer was here. The flowers in the valley looked at them, the moon did, the stars shone. They sat in the full view of the moon in each others' arms. The two were tender like the flowers. One flower entangled in another. A new day was to dawn. The valley was now silent. Not the sound of the gun, it was their giggles that filled the Gulmarg sky every evening for many days.

To Mom and Dad...

2011-06-25T10:48:00.001+05:30

Mom and Dad are here...

It has been good to see them each single time that I have over the last 10 yrs since I started living away from home.

This one is to you for being there all the time, having never complained... always for me whenever i needed. Even when I did not. Making me a spoiled person that i am, for not killing me for the evils that I have done!

Mom keeps reading my blog sometimes... This is to tell u that u are the best and one who has spoiled me so much :)

Taj Mahal

2011-06-22T19:10:00.000+05:30

He waited there under that dark banyan tree surrounded on both sides by open land. It was dark already and he was charmed by the green eyes. He could see everything around, the squirrel that ran close to his legs reminded him of her walk, the half dried leaves reminded him of how autumn was behind, the green fresh leaves reminded him of his present, the new beginning. The slightly orange looking sky without the sun reminded him of how easy life could be. An old woman still worked in the farm all alone and the three kids played at a distance. Water in the canal around five hundred meters from him. On the other side of the canal was the Taj reminding him of how romantic his life had been recently.
This place was one kilometers from Agra, where he lived. Every day he had waited here at this time to meet her. The enchantress. They would sit there under the banyan tree for a couple of hours before leaving back. He knew she would come. They had been here on every single day for the last one month. Deep inside he was happy. That excitement to meet her was still there even after so many meetings. That feeling of joy, victory and possession ran in his blood. He was thrilled.
It got dark. The orange tinge in the sky had gone. His excitement started turning to anxiety. Suddenly no one was there. The old woman was nowhere to be seen, the kids had all gone. There was nothing but silence. His cycle resting by the banyan tree seemed like dead. Suddenly the banyan tree seemed too old. The leaves looked black and the half dried leaf reminded him of dead leaves! He wanted to run.
He rode on his cycle to the canal. That is where her brother had once seen her with him. It was a silent stream of water. Absolute silence. His life came to a still. He was robbed. He touched her face. She lay there in blood, a dagger in her. Her shirt was red in blood. Her fingers bled. Her eyes looked into his and said nothing. She couldnt move but he could feel her happy in his arms. The eyes closed slowly. He was helpless. He would not leave her. Tears flew from his eyes. They were red. The darkness of the night could not hide the colour of his eyes. He knew this had to end. Blood soaked his shirt, even the stars were not there to weep with him that night. The moon hid under the clouds, as if the whole world had betrayed him. He pulled the dagger out of her and brought slit his wrist, he couldnt feel the pain but saw gush of blood flow through it. The dome of the Taj looked dark, the moon light that kept it visible betrayed it.
The next morning the sun shone on the Taj the way it always did as if to remind that they lived on forever.

Separation

2011-06-21T04:05:00.001+05:30

I park my car and rush to the flower seller on the footpath. 10 each he said. If i took them all? All yours for 5 each. He packs them and puts them in my car. I hurriedly drive home. She isnt here but her fragrance is. I blush seeing the broken Vase. Tonight is another night.

She doesn't know that I am here. I pick the flowers one by one remove the stem gently and get the whole room flowered. Jasmines. White and pure. The drops of water make them shine. I love the aura. Nothing comes close to her, but this remind me of her. Time has slowed down. I cant wait for her. She is still not here. Time has stopped. I stand up to the window and look outside. The streets are now empty. Its 9:00 PM and she would have just left her office. I sit on the sofa just near the window. I stand up again, walk around a bit carefully not to step on the flowers, look outside and sit back again. Its 9:24. The large white clock has finally crawled close to 9:30. This agony has passed. She could be here anytime soon. I hurry to lock the gate. I sit on the sofa, on the left wall of the gate, calmly as if not waiting for her at all.

The footsteps break the silence. She was here. She unlocks the flat with her keys, opens the gate. I did not move. She switches on the light, looks around. Her mouth opens up in surprise. I keep looking at her. She smiles. She laughs now. Her lips move. She springs in Joy. I keep looking at her. She had still not spoken a word but I knew what this meant to her. Her giggles ring like bells. She comes towards me and pulls me. I cuddle her in my arms. This was our first anniversary and I had to be here. I knew what this meant for her. We stay like that.

Time could keep running, we had come to a still.

____________________________________________________________________________

PS:
1) Again not a true story. :P
2) Part II only for the closest friends (too explicit to be posted here :P)
3) Suddenly I am in love with writing :D
4) Mazaak mat udana :P all serious feedbacks and criticisms most welcome :P

Kindness (Short Story 2)

2011-06-20T00:59:00.002+05:30

A child cried alone in a basket of fruits. A passer by looked around, seeing none around in this locality of Old Delhi. He called around and hurriedly left the place before someone could see him. Another car passed by, a couple around 40 stopped by, saw the child, waited around and called 101. It was past midnight. Not many lights were on in the houses nearby. The couple picked up the child and cuddled it. It felt as if it was their own child. The hugged it and hurriedly left the place with the child in the car. Probably they did not want the police to take it from them. It was a girl and they did not have one even in 15 years of their marriage. A cute one. One window on the 3rd floor of a wretched house, Neelam kept crying in her old house at GB Road till she finally fell asleep. The most peaceful sleep she ever had. Her daughter wouldnt have to live that life ever.

Attempt at Short Stories...

2011-06-19T23:45:00.001+05:30

The cute little girl giggled seeing the old friend, the auto-rickshaw walla just took the dangerous turn, the old woman ]frowned upon by the rich old man in that honda city, the traffic signal, the loud noise from a college fest, the queue of a million cars waiting for the traffic signal, my mom and dad sitting behind me in the car that i drive from my office at hazra to the hotel at Camac Street. Its all happening here. We get down at the famous old Camac Street, park the car get down, take my mom and dad along to see the girl who they think could be a good bride. There's so much giggling around, so much chatting, people trying to find out and judge both the girl and me. So much facade. We have the hand-shakes a bit of chatting and we are back in the car. Mom and Dad look at me. I smile. We are seated. I look at the seat on my left. You are no more. No one can fill that void. The whole world without you is but empty. They can get someone seated on that seat again, but the emptiness will forever remain.

Real Long time after which i tried writing again. 6-7 years. PS: a couple of you have asked if this story is real. NO nothing is real about it except the city and the location :D. I dont own a car and never had a break up or make up ;) :P :D

Moved Back... (dont know for how long..)

2011-04-27T13:45:00.001+05:30

This person called lokesh verma seems to have lost my blog in his computer garbage :P

:x

Waited for too log to blog... so decided that this is the better place to start again...

So here I am....

I have moved!

2008-07-23T00:35:00.000+05:30

http://nishantsah.techtantra.in

I have moved my blog..
Thanks and sorry for the inconvenience :)
I hope the reasons are obvious to you :D

Communist Party Of India!!

2008-07-08T17:37:00.000+05:30

This image is created by me and u are free to use it :) (Dont even need to take permission :D)

we them!

2008-05-24T09:02:00.001+05:30

I was just wondering how 'we' keep becoming 'they' and 'they' keep getting forgotten.

Period.

Raise a toast to Mr. Ratan Tata.

2008-01-15T18:08:00.000+05:30

How easily do most Indians end up believing that Reliance is the real forerunner of the Indian Industry and the real source of inspiration to the next generation Entrepreneurs of our country!

To me the Reliance is a very good company when it comes to vision, but far from a benchmark that I would like to follow if ever I were to own a company! I have hated the manipulatory designs they have used to influence the government. I also think that there are issues related to corporate governance in the Group.

But this is not the time to blast Reliance.. It is a time to celebrate Ratan Tata's story. The Nano is just a stepping stone to what lies ahead! I wont write much about the Nano cos its all too much there in the press these days; I would only say that I am pretty confident that this will be the car of the decade.

I remember having seen an interview of Ratan Tata saying that he wanted all the Tata Group companies to be in the top 3 companies of their respective segments. To this endeavour, the Tatas sold off what some would say, their "top" companies. ACC, Tomco, Lakme, Goodlass Nerolac, Merind, Tata Yellow Pages to name just a few!

I guess most people would only dream to own such businesses! But then the empire had become too large and was unable to stand its own weight. It was the vision and far sightedness of Mr Ratan Tata that made him dare selling these.

The Tata group companies were bleeding bad... Tata motors the Indian Giant bled to the tune of 5 billion rupees!!! Tata Steel was in blood-bath. Perhaps, only TCS was doing well. It was the determination of Mr Tata, that these companies are today one of the largest companies by Market Cap in India. TCS and Tata Steel are Global giants. TCS is the largest Indian Software Company. Tata Motors probably at its point of inflection today. I would not be surprised if it could be the largest seller of cars in India 5 years from now!

Take social causes for instance. Not one Indian corporate house has given back to the society what they have.

When Tata Tea acquired Tetley, about 7-8 yrs back, It was by far the largest overseas acquisition by an Indian Company. There are a lot of Indian companies which have a so called global foot-print but to be true not many are really global in true terms! The only Indian company to be truly global, I think is Tata Steel. It has its manufacturing facilities and clients around the globe and that is the true test of being global. A lot of eyebrows were raised when some years back, the Tatas donated a good sum to the Oxford university over our IIT's or IIM's, but I guess the Tatas were only fulfilling their global responsibilities.

Ratan Tata has successfully done what very few can dream.. To transform a lazy, lethargic giant that was dying of its own weight of internal conflicts and egos to a vibrant war horse that most would defy size and strength. Kudos.

The 'Indian' Mentality

2008-01-15T08:29:00.000+05:30

How many times do we see reports in the newspapers citing the success of the odd Indian in the States.. or how the Media abroad applaud the performance of one of the Indians; and then how often do we ourselves have that feeling of joy from within us?

When Rehman is called Mozart of the East or a young kid is selected for a NASA project or a NRI (who hates being associated as an Indian) successfully wins a seat in the Elections abroad or any other scientific development hyped up by the foreign media, dont we all start looking at these as the idols of our nation?

Very often, as a Nation get a sense of joy. To me, this is the Indian Mentality. (you could call it the developing world mentality as well!) Half of us Indians do not think that India has a future anywhere close to the developed world. Only when we see such reports, we say for a moment that some Indian did something big; the very next moment India is an abysmal failure.

The number of people who aspire to make a career outside India is a testimony to what I am saying. I hope that we start believing in ourselves on our own and stop thinking that the west is where success is and also stop looking to them to find successes/achievements that we have.

I hope we stopped taking pride in a movie receiving/getting nominated for an Oscar, or an actor having his wax replica at the Tussad's.

I hope we start being Indians.

Has Indian politics matured?

2007-12-10T01:31:00.000+05:30

I hate the fact that there are only two strong Indian politicians.. one is Mayavati.. the other is Narendra Modi....

I had this false impression that the Indian politics had really matured after the last Lok Sabha elections, which were fought on the issue of development!
alas.. Hindutva and Caste politics are the only way to a sure shot victory.

I hope that Modi loses this election... But then I know how politics is :(

Diwali at IIT Kharagpur - II

2007-11-10T05:14:00.000+05:30

Even though I did post once on the same theme a couple of years back.. but i feel that there is no fear at all of repeating myself...
Illumination at IIT is at a different league.... So is Rangoli... And anyone any any anyone who has lived in kgp during a diwali knows what i mean.
The preparations for this event go beyond a month.... Much more than any other single event/thing in KGP (as much as i can think of right now).

This was the Gold winning theme from our hostel.

Just a rough idea of the work... 20-30 people with 20-35 night-outs each. 200 guys with 1-2 nightouts. Money between 50-95 thousand. 20000 to 50000 diyas..... and each of this for about 10 hostels.

If you are bowled by the pics... trust me you dont know how much grander and opulent the real thing is... You have to have to come to kharagpur during a Diwali to see it.

How chinese... how Indian as well :)

2007-10-12T22:26:00.000+05:30

http://www.adinochang.com/archives/chinese-culture-versus-german-culture.html

As bad as it gets...

2007-10-06T16:03:00.000+05:30

if u have ne plans for this one... Dil Dosti Etc.2007 give it a skip.... this is the worst movie ever made... I wonder if Hindu college had heard the story and the dialogs before allowing the film makers to shoot on campus.... or if they did.. what message they were trying to send..
I should say that I did see the movie in 15-20 mins flat... but i dont regret.
May be that is why i may have missed the whole concept on which the movie was.....

neone who liked this one? or who thinks i should spend some more time seeing the whole movie?

Lauding Chuhara....

2007-09-03T00:21:00.000+05:30

Well i am not a person who understands arts.... my attempt at learning it was an abysmal failure :(

But i liked all the work of our own Chuhara.... This one is dedicated to him :)
Here is his profile link....

Religion and Me.

2007-08-23T05:42:00.000+05:30

I have always thought of Religion(in the Hindu Society) as a way of the Brahmins to have a free lunch. They have been successful for over centuries now to have their free meal. To me the Brahmins are the most unproductive part of the Indian Society. I consider myself a Hindu to the extent that my parents are. I don't believe in Religion. To me, Religion is only spiritual, in the sense that i may like parts of different Religions say Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam, Sikhism or Christianity. I believe in the principle of Moral Values than Religious ones.

Religion has always been one point of confrontation between me and my mom... She is the religious kind of a woman (not an extreme one though), the kind that most Indian middle class women are. I mean she prays daily for 10 minutes, goes to the temples occasionally and is extremely devotional. But this is not the point of confrontation.
Like many at my age and with the kind of education that I have received, I don't spend a minute in a month praying. I think that there are many of my kind and that I am not the odd person out. There have been times when we have had serious and intense arguments. My mom thinks it necessary to pray daily or atleast weekly and I am the kind who will not do it.. No matter what.

To me, the worst thing is that many of my relatives(not my parents thankfully) give huge donations to the temples and the priests. I hate it. I just hate it. How can they not think of the people dying on the street everyday and make such extravagant donations in the name of GOD! If only they could educate one person in their life time, I think it would be a much bigger donation to GOD and even he would stand and laud. To me, providing food to the under privileged is a much bigger donation that filling the large bellies of the shameless priest who sits in the temple waiting for another fool to come and give a huge donation to the temple.

This post is for all those who give money to the priest in one of your favorite temples. Please donate to the poor, to one of the schools that provide free education, to one of the charities and instead of wasting hours in the name of god, do something for god's children, goto a backward area and teach something to someone.

PS:
1) I dont mean to label all the Brahmins in one category. I understand that some of them are very hardworking and pious and do not go for their prayers for money. It is only a reminder that our society is undergoing a change and it needs to keep undergoing more and more reforms daily.
2) If you will, you might label me anti-religious. I would be proud of myself if the followers of RSS or VHP labeled me Anti-Hindu (I dont want to be a Hindu of their kind). To me they are as bad as some of the Islamic Radicals if not worse.
3) I am agnostic or an Atheist (Actually I am confused about this one) . My ideas relate to the Arya Samaj kind of philosophy even them i dont agree to fully.

2007-08-19T20:14:00.000+05:30

I love taking these tests.. some that tell u about u.. .

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

and dont forget to add me to ur friend's list here... nishantsah@yahoo.com :)

A prelude to reality!

2007-07-21T22:56:00.000+05:30

This summer was in one way the last holiday season of my life.. unless i have to drop out once more :)
We had to be on a summer training to get a feel of the real mechanical engineering. The training was as good as my knowledge of mechanical engineering(close friends should have realised that it was an intended pun). The end product was that it was over before i could learn a thing... just like most of my courses here at kharagpur ;)

But then this is not why I would label the two months at Ranchi for the summer training as "Prelude to reality". I hope that my "real" life is in no way similar to my study life.
The similarity lies in the fact that it was probably for the first time that i had to do things on my own... (I have a really good mom who has made me a spoilt brat n never let me do a thing on my own :) Well.. i have been in a few hostels now but then u dont need to worry about too many things there as well.

The first day, we (me and Anguli) had to search for a room to live! The first place we went to was like a stable.. (not exaggerating!) There was no fan in the room. A toilet that probably even animals wud not goto! And the source of water was a tube well! Saying no did not take a thought. We were paying for the hotel room so had to settle down to something fast.. Thankfully we got something that at that time seemed to be heaven... A room with an attached bath n kitchen(which of course we would never need) and a FAN :D.. This was heaven.....
(I hope this is not the way I go around searching for a house to live on the 'real' occasion.)

But not for long. The summer had come. Oh and even in this one we were supposed to drink water from a well! A well in a city like Ranchi! Well what can I say? btw, we had not realized that the room we were in had an asbestos roof!!! How did we not? The days were like hell. fell sick for 5 days :( .. lived in Jha's house for 2 days and Vijayan's for another couple. Enough was enough.. we had to change the place..
Thankfully we got a much better room. This was a house made of brick roof. Thank god :) But then there was no water to drink again! There was one tap... It was the worst multi-functional device.. It was supposed to provide water to bath, wash and drink... Shit... how could we... I mean how could anyone do that! Thankfully for Vijayan, we din have to spend too much on water... He used to bring some for us daily :)
(I hope that this is not the way my first/second place is in the 'real' world :))

I generally dont see too many movies. And specially if they are bad prints of English movies dubbed in Hindi. But the boys(preparing for JEE) living next door were the fans of such movies... I had to see movies that i would have died but seen. (and that too dubbed in Hindi!!!) Those were tough hours. Both Anguli and me could not say no as they were like kids. Atleast 5-6 years younger.

Now the food.. Generally Ranchi is a decent place. But unfortunately for us we were living in like say what Ghaziabad would be to Delhi. The whole area had one decent hotel. That was it. The other hotels were the ones where there is an earthen tandoor on the entance and the seats of wooden planks, with a couple of images of Gods and food costing you not more than 10 rupees per plate. I guess i dont need to say more. We at times had to remain hungry but would never dare enter one of these!
(I hope this is not the food I have to eat in the 'real' world)

This is all personal. Now the professional part. Well it was even worse. Not comfort wise. But if I get such a professional future, I would die out of suffocation, if not lack of earning/promotion. We had a 6 day week. We were supposed to reach at 8:30 in the morning. Do the training till 10:30. have a break and return at 1:00, work again and leave at 4:30. All this is so good. The first day we reached HEC at 10:30. Stayed there (if that is what training was supposed to be) for 1 hour and came back home. Every day the 'staying' hours (read working hours) kept going down :)
Every week the no of working days would keep falling. At the end of the training of 8 week, we had hardly worked for 2. That too if a day at work counted for 1 hour.
(I hope that this is not how my office is. That i hate it and decide to not go there.)

btw, have you ever seen a very bad movie with a good promo... I guess loads of them.
But have you ever ever ever seen a good movie with a bad promo? Please hope that this one is. Otherwise I will be of no use just 1 yr from now!

I hope life doesnt end before I learn something from it :)

PS: 1 This is not the whole story. This is only a scene from the whole novel.
2 Dont pity me. I am not wretched.

to visual studio....

2007-03-25T05:17:00.000+05:30

I have been doing this thing called .net for only 2 weeks now and am already more than stumped...
It is as good as programming language gets....
I dont think that putting the codes and fundas will excite many of you...
but the best things are sometimes better heard than said...
So if u havent done .net yet plz plz do it... It is too good not to be known!

Now this is geeky and all.. but still I think that i know what objects are! i guess u must have heard OOP for sometime now.. I have been for more than 10 yrs now.. but only last week realised how powerful it was and why there's been this hype abt it for so many years..

After Visual studio, i am a bigger Microsoft fan :)

The Indian era.....

2007-03-05T22:58:00.000+05:30

India poised is only a recent thing that many of us have realised through a campaign of ads on print and TV... The fact that India was 'poised' is known and is being observed for more than 3-4 yrs now.. Things are more than visible..

This post is both for the optimists and the pessimists.. I happen to be a big optimist about the future of the India story.... (though i have to agree that the journey to success will be rather long and tough one..

The way the Indian companies have grown is well documented.. We are already the largest and the best in many fields.. when i say many, it does not stand for outsourcing.. It stands for everything that you could think of...

From satellites to cars... from axles to aircraft maintenance.. from CD to Nuclear power plants... from wind energy to pharma.... There are arguments about the quality and all of the indian products.. but then who manufactures all the high quality "GAP" & "UCB" shirt that people wear in the name of quality?
It is the Indian companies... who manufactures the high quality CD's and DVD's labelled as SONY etc...

The Tata Corus deal is more than well publicised.. thanks to the media.. But then there are a lot more deals than just this one.. The foreign investments by the indian companies now exceed the FDI in India! 15 yrs back when the country took to globalisation, there were open opposition and lobbying by the indian corporates... no more.. today reliance and bharti and tatas welcome foreign companies with open arms to take up the challange... The this in itself is a testimony to the confidence and the maturity of the Indian corporates....

There are a lot of articles.. research papers on the net that speak in a similar tone.. but then this post is specially for those who are full time pessimists... if u happen to be one.. then buddy u need to be more neutral first.. dont try to argument that the world is as bad as it was for India.. atleast accept that somethings are better indeed... then may be a couple of years from now.. who knows...

BTW pls see this india poised video..

It happens only in BIHAR.....

2007-02-12T02:03:00.001+05:30

Could any one of these ever be a beauty contest winner in any other place in the world... One of these must be laloo yadav's relative.. n the other... Ram vilas paswan's ... ROFL....

if u dont believe me... click here

Sorry if any of u were repulsed by the image....

Wake up call......

2007-01-04T23:01:00.000+05:30

Now this is gettting real creepy for me.... have failed in the actuary exams for 3 times in a row... This is probably the only thing academically that i love to do..... really really love to ... and have never been insincere in working when it comes to actuary... but unfortunately...
Hopefully for me things will get better the next time...
No excuses... just that things are not as simple and that i take a lot of things for granted...
This is not for any of u reading.. but more for myself that i need to remind myself everyday that i need to work harder and harder at this thing for the next few months at least......

Woodstock(ed)

2006-10-31T02:11:00.000+05:30

The last few weeks have been tough, tough in the sense that Ive had a tough time setting my priorities right...... I have never felt so much time crunch in my life... unfortunately Ive never done anything worthwhile and hence have always had so much time to enjoy(waste??)

After an era of failure, realisations that i did not want to do what i was doing and bad performances...bout an year back.... I finally found something that i really want to do.... ACTUARY...
This is now my career goal.... so much so that i wud not hesitate to leave IIT if i felt that it is becoming a really big road block.....

But then there was something else.... WOODSTOCK
6 months back was discussing this idea with himangshu.... and at that stage i thought that getting data from the net and processing it needed huge huge programming knowledge... I regretted the fact that i din know how to connect to the net to get data thru a code :( I din know how to run a database manangent thing thru a software.. I had never heard PHP... even if i did.. it was like some extension that cud be opened by IE....

But just about that stage.. i started to learn PHP... This is the easiest coding in the world.. and still so powerful !!! Actually u dont need much brains... just hardcore boring coding..... oh... and abt 2 months back i had refused to do the woodstock thing.. because Actuary exams were scheduled in November.... And that is when Woodstock was supposed to start...... Now I find myself doing the coding for the same event..... Its been a satisfying experience doing the coding... but then Actuary's taken a back seat...

The exams are just two days from today... and this time my preparation is the worst ever for an actuary exam.... Fortunately... I do have the pleasure of having done something like woodstock so successfully... (Of course this would have been a distant dream.. had it not been for Akhilesh... whom i think is the most genuinely interested computer coding guy (other than the CS guys) .. who knows everything from XML to JAVA to AJAX to VISUAL C to ... whatever I had heard of...... )

But then the main reason for writing this post......

Pls Play WOODSTOCK..... atleast i will have some comfort that the Failure (almost certain even b4 i have given the paper) in Actuary which happens to be the last thing i want to have .... is not just for a trifle thing...

PS: Sorry for writing such a long boring nerdy blog..... (I thought that this is the worst i have written on this blog) but then there was a reason :)

IIT.... Need I say more?

2006-10-11T07:59:00.000+05:30

I guess not.. at least not in India....
These three letters are more powerful than probably anything else to prove that "u r someone worthy"

How false it all seems to those in IIT! Ask any IITian and almost certainly he will say things..
Infrastructure: 0/10 Professors: -10/10
This is not about this IIT or that... it's the same everywhere.......

But I differ... right or wrong i dont know... but there's something that keeps us apart....

I seem to find a comparison to my school... the one and only "DELHI PUBLIC SCHOOL R K PURAM"... Among 500 students who got admitted for class XI... I knew of no one with a board score of less than 90%.... Just imagine... Could it get better??? NO.... Today when I look at these friends of mine, I hardly find someone not doing well in life... Every second student there was a topper in his previous school....
So What's the point?
What this kind of competition(quality of students) does is that it takes away the (false ?) aura of being the best... It adds modesty to a lot of people... You will hardly find an IITian with the false show of being the best.... All the IITians know that there are a lot of people above them..... Some of them feel that they know nothing...

To me there is much more than that brand name that we carry... we may in general be the least sincere of the lot... but the 'output' is still much more than a general college guy..... come on... they study crap like vector algebra newtonial mechanics and matrices in their first year... (barring a couple of good colleges.. probably IIITs and ISIs)

What we study in a week is sufficient to pass the sememster exams... not just pass.. but get a good grades... and this is not because the papers are easy..... the standard of the paper is good..... (only some 'elite few' like me who dont even put in a week every semester end up with bad grades.... but even we pass (easily?))

About half the college is involved in some kind of fest or hall post.... does it help? not much.... then what's the point....
Then does doing all this extra acad helps? Yes it does... To me, a person with a good personality will end up much higher in his life than the ones who carries only good grades all his life.... One of my profs. had this comment... "You wont take your kid to school on your CG." How true indeed.

I fully agree that there is a lot missing in IITs... A lot of things could be better.... a lot of things need to be better... a lot of things need a lot of change and that too very sooon.... but then it isnt such a bad place after all....

PS: This post is for those who feel that the worst mistake was to join IIT.......
I am not trying to downplay the students of the other colleges... apologies for any inference of this kind......

To the Pseudos......

2006-10-06T01:32:00.000+05:30

How often have u seen some 'cool' 'hep' guy wear one of these on the streets of an Indian city????

Now if u are one of those .... pls ask one of these to urself?

wud u wear a I luv New Delhi? /I luv Bombay? Even when u have not lived there? (I luv Goa is not included ... Goa is indeed a cool place!)
Were u to NY once in ur life and then u really mean u luv it and want to spend the rest of ur life there?

If the answer to both is no .. then i pity u... I mean just give it a second thought.... Dont u seem stupid... n not 'hep'....????!!!!

Do u know me?

2006-09-29T04:04:00.003+05:30

Things that u may or may not know about me... YET!!!!!!!!

Dont know how much u agree but then these are a few things about me..........

I would like to be remembered as a good man rather than a successful man..........
I hate drinking/doping more than most other things.....................
I hated Engineering..... (most of it) but the irony is that I run an institute for aspiring Engineers :D
I am a Big fan of ... Sachin, Rehman, Amitabh and Aish in that order. (I think Sachin has gained prominence over the rest in a huge way. Rehman continues to be admired.. but he seems to have forgotten us :( )
I love teaching more than any other thing these days. (I need to get a life :D)
I dont like when people want to change me... (Love me or hate me for that!)
I dont like reading in most forms.... be it novels or long essays or long blogs... Of the very little reading that I have done, I loved Madhushala n Jonathan Livingston Seagull (I Have started liking reading novels... Have read only Fountain Head and Kite Runner)
I dislike people who are artificial n generally avoid them.....
I Hate to study for the exams...... I really really do....
I have always thought that people have over-rated me.... far more than what I am worth.....
I generally make a lot of friends......
I am very bad at chosing clothes and matching them......
I generally dont see movies.... except a few ..... that i decide on the trailers.....
I like to study about the Stock Markets..............
I love the Great Indian Development story and hope that it last for another 100 yrs and beyond..............
I admire beauty in any form.... but am more of a silent admirer.....
I want to learn art someday
I am a bit shy... when it comes to girls.......
I dont like the new breed of bollywood actresses who thrive on nudity and sex.... I think that bollywood has shifted from sensuality to vulgarity........ and i really hate it....
I cant live alone .... (without friends.... one of whom is my comp)
I hate religious extremism of any form..... Hindu/Islamic/Khalsa/Christian etc...etc....
I am a computer addict... and love most things that have to do with technology...............
I Love(d ?) Mathematics......... Dont know if I still love it.... but i would like to believe that I do......... The only regret i ever had is of not having cleared INMO.....
I have stolen a book from one of my friends in my school......

Edited: 27th April 2011
I will try to keep adding here... even though I dont think many people wud be interested....

This idea was taken from Sudhanshu's Friend.... Shreyas

U dont just eat 'em!

2006-09-29T03:19:00.000+05:30

Want more of these melon... Just visit this blog ......

Who said Fairies are only in tales.....?

2006-09-29T02:35:00.000+05:30

See i failed only once :)

2006-09-14T21:47:00.000+05:30

A winner is NOT one who NEVER FAILS, but one who NEVER QUITS! .

A candidate for a news broadcasters post was rejected by officials since his voice was not fit for a news broadcaster. He was also told that with his obnoxiously long name, he would never be famous.
He is Amitabh Bacchan. (India's biggest movie legend)

A small boy - the fifth amongst seven siblings of a poor father, was selling newspapers in a small village to earn his living. He was not exceptionally smart at school but was fascinated by religion and rockets.
The first rocket he built crashed. A missile that he built crashed multiple times and he was made a butt of ridicule. He is the person to have scripted the Space Odyssey of India single-handedly.

Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam.(India's president)

In 1962, four nervous young musicians played their first record audition for the executives of the Decca recording Company. The executives were not impressed.
While turning down this group of musicians, one executive said, "We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out."

The group was called The Beatles.

In 1944, Emmeline Snively, director of the Blue Book Modelling Agency old modelling hopeful Norma Jean Baker, "You'd better learn secretarial work or else get married." She went on and became Marilyn Monroe.

In 1954, Jimmy Denny, manager of the Grand Ole Opry, Fired a singer after one performance. He told him, "You ain't goin' nowhere....son. You ought to go back to drivin' a truck."

He went on to become Elvis Presley.

When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone in 1876, it did not ring off the hook with calls from potential backers. After making a demonstration call,President Rutherford Hayes said,"That's an amazing invention, but who would ever want to see one of them?"

When Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, he tried over 2000 experiments before he got it to work. A young reporter asked him how it felt to fail so manytimes. He said, "I never failed once. I invented the light bulb. It just happened to be a 2000-step process."

In the 1940s, another young inventor named Chester Carlson took his idea to 20 corporations, including some of the biggest in the country. They all turned him down. In 1947, after 7 long years of rejections, he finally got a tiny company in Rochester, NY, the Haloid company, to purchase the rights to his invention -- an electrostatic paper-copying process.

Haloid became Xerox Corporation.

A school teacher scolded a boy for not paying attention to his mathematics and for not being able to solve simple problems. She told him that you would not become anybody in life.
The boy was Albert Einstein.

The way I see it.....

2006-09-09T07:18:00.000+05:30

I hate people who drink....

I really hate people who smoke....

I really get pissed when a see some 'rascal' puke after drinking......

I really want to kill a person who puked/fell in the gutter the last nite and during the next lunch says that he was perfectly fine.....

Most of the friends of mine... even the ones who seemed to be very strong at their resolve have taken to drinking..... Unfortunately, some of my closest friends(even those of the past) find it good....

It might sound paradoxical but Madhushala is one novel i have liked most!!!

When I say drink/smoke it means anything more than once in a month....

I want to write much more on this one... but then who will read a 10000 word essay?

This one is to help me know myself....

2006-09-07T05:18:00.000+05:30

The general traits: http://kevan.org/johari?name=nishantsah
The Devil in me : http://kevan.org/nohari?name=nishantsah

or may be just to know what others think about me.....!!!!

http://kevan.org/johari?view=nishantsah
http://kevan.org/nohari?view=nishantsah

No Blog.....

2006-07-28T04:04:00.000+05:30

Well this is not intentional.. but i have no new topic to blog on... n i dont want to blog just for the sake of it.....

BGP/KGP.. which one is a lesser 'Village'

2006-05-10T01:29:00.000+05:30

Well 4 months in KGP.. enough to get u annoyed.. of everything.. I thought home was the place to be..
Alas.. No power for the frst 50 hrs i stayed here!!!! No power means no power.. Not for a blip!!!

Now I really have to decide.. Which one is a lesser village!!!

Reservation, Politics and IIT's / IIM's

2006-04-08T08:55:00.000+05:30

This one has been talked, written and loudly opposed by one and all....

Firstly, I am not against reservation... It has its benefits and necessities... In a society, where dalits are still raped/murdered/beaten up n what not, their social upliftment has a necessity... They need to get respectable place in the society at the higher posts. To be at a higher post, u need to be educated... So it is important to educate the socially backwards so that they can do justice to the 'higher posts' they occupy. We must realise that they are not born to clean our waste.... But was 25% not good enough??

Marwaris are OBC's in Bihar.... Brahmins are OBC's in Rajasthan.... There are many such examples... I happen to be a Marwari from Bihar. Do Marwaris need any special status anywhere in the world... There is only one answer.. NO.

Is 50% of India deprived of basics?? Should reservation not be on the basis of Income rather than Caste? At the time when India should move ahead of the old 'voter appeasing' mode, the direction is totally wrong.... The man who took India under the path of reforms is now pressing the reverse gear.... Instead of bringing in reservation on the basis on incomes and doing away with the current reservation system, the HRD ministry has done the opposite...
Some people argue that reservation on the basis of income will give businessmen a huge undue advantage. Fully agreed. But the problem here with the Tax department and not with the idea itself.

What is indeed very striking is the fact that when women;s reservation bill has not materialised in even 10 years, this one seems to be moving faster than rocket.

When there is a urgent need to get more engineering, management & medical colleges, the good ones are being forced to death... When India seems to be pulling its head above the rest in the world after 300 years, it is our own Netas and their Mandal/Kamandal politics that is trying to push India back to where the British Raj had pushed us.

I just have one phrase for the netas... F*** yourself. Its high time that we stop begging. Rise to the occasion and use whatever media u can to stop this kind of rascalism from harming both our country and us.

Here are the links that you can use.... the other online forums I guess aren't as effective...
write to the PM : http://pmindia.nic.in/write.htm
write to the President: http://presidentofindia.nic.in/scripts/writetopresident.jsp

One last line for the politicians like Arjun Singh... Next time you have a poster shoot for the election.... get your ass on the poster not your face...

Need Help??

2006-03-30T04:12:00.000+05:30

P.S. :- This is not against the church :)

A Treat (chaos) to remember

2006-03-26T13:44:00.000+05:30

First of all sorry to all those I did not call for the treat. Actually the list had gone too long (40+) and we(gabbar anguli and me) had a tough time finalising the list and keeping it as 'small' as possible. PD(Punjabi Dhaba) was financially the best place to have the treat(now that the LS is no longer cheap, atleast for me and add to the cost, the bad service).

the picture beow tells the whole story... (of the chaos)

What could have ended as the most chaotic situation in my life, ended only the most chaotic treat ever. Thankfully for Anguli, Gabbar and me, it wasnt a case of humiliation :)
I was sure of getting a lot of bashings for the chaos, but there were a few praises about the treat that really surprised me. I think it was the modesty of those who recieved the treat.

Story (un)told

2006-03-25T17:52:00.000+05:30

It was the RP hall day. Guys with full tempo.... no no not for the hall but for the gals from SN... Two of them called Raghuveer Devallapalli and Ravi Krishna Shaga, my next room 'studs' invited a few from the SN.... expecting all of them to turn up to praise their room and them in their best outfits. Bechara Rampage was kicked out of his room by his own roomies.. why? just bcos they did not want to 'share' the girls...
The room was cleaned like never before... Not just the brooming but also the wiping!!!! wow just try to make an impression in your mind of 2 guys wiping(mind u not sweeping) the room for girls.... Yuckk...
It was 8 PM and they were all ready... The golden moment could be anytime soon... lot of 1st yrs and a few selected 2nd years.... Wow.... Time was moving .. but today it was too slow... they werent coming and time wasnt moving...
Alas it was nearing 9... they were seen sitting on the window of their room with binoculars.. No one knows what they were tryin to see... It was 10 and they were seen moving round in the corridor.... Did they give and invitation for the right time... Probably they had.. Bhalu and Kauaa were already making fun and Arvind after being sad for one full day had something to cheer about..
By 11 it was sure that they weren't coming and kauaa and bhaalu and arvind were making them more and more fruuuust... To save themselves from the humiliation, they went to cheddis for 3 more hours... but the embaressment wasnt going to end soon enough... was it??

Good one.

2006-03-24T11:16:00.002+05:30

He loved her
But married another
One became the wife
The other became the password
*********

Klueless....

2006-03-12T12:00:00.000+05:30

This one was done sometime back....

If u thought that Klueless was a piece of cake.... try this one...
I bet u will have a bad time at this one.... its called notpron

I tried this one.. could not get even a few.. I have quit this one.. see if u can try!!!

Perfect Description of the Stock Markets...Read on...(Even if u hate the Stock Markets)

2006-03-10T01:58:00.000+05:30

It was autumn, and the Red Indians on the remote reservation asked their new chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Red Indian Chief in a modern society, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.
But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?""Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "It's definitely going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.
Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again."Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever." The weatherman replied, "The Red Indians are collecting wood like crazy."This is how stock markets work!!!

Dont you pity this guy as well ?

2006-02-27T21:56:00.000+05:30

First I liked him (in Maine Pyar Kiya)

Then I hated him (When he n me together started loving the same woman)

Now I Pity him (He;s behind the bars)

Screwed Again!!!

2006-02-22T13:46:00.000+05:30

ohoh not me... The mid sems were screwed...
(This one has been kind of non-news for the last few years...)

IIT in Calcutta & INOX in Kharagpur!!

2006-02-22T12:57:00.000+05:30

Waiting desperately. Period.

Well begun... but half done???

2006-02-19T05:04:00.000+05:30

YUVA and now RDB ... These movies tell the truth of India today. Whether u like the plot or not, u like the story or not, U have to like the theme of the movies. And guess what... the impact is loud and clear. The college students have started to join the mission!!!!

Another student revolution?? after the Janta Party revolution 30 yrs back , the college politics was been aimed only at getting into the dirty game of politics.

This one is a new beginning.. Its the BharatUdayMission and it is already making some kind of noises. There is this political party called Paritrana

Here are some of the links that might enthuse you!!
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/1384682.cms
http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/articleshow/1384411.cms
http://www.ibnlive.com/article.php?id=5169&section_id=3

Your take?? Is this Patriortism or ??????

Klueless!!!!!

2006-02-19T04:52:00.000+05:30

This is a great 'game' A kind of puzzle which i'd say is an 'online treasure hunt'. It tests ur general knowledge and computer skills...

A friend forwarded it to me.

I solved upto the 19th level(err.... well we solved it till the 19th level... there are 30... Took Bhaaloo, Chus, Hazarika, Kauaa and me to reach where we are.)

dont see the spoilers.. that will destroy the fun..

This one has been made by the students of IIM Indore

http://www.iimi-iris.com/iris/irising/klueLESS

the general rules and stratergies are given here

Good luck ! !

Murphy's Love Laws

2006-02-18T16:49:00.000+05:30

1. All the good ones are taken.
2. If the person isn't taken, there's a reason. (corr. to 1)
3. The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you.
4. Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant.
5. The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them.
6. Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.
7. The best things in the world are free --- and worth every penny of it.
8. Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction.
9. Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find someone else.

P.S. This one was Jhapofied from the net directly.

2006-02-07T16:31:00.000+05:30

RANG DE BASANTI

Me.. watching the 'first weekend' show of a movie!!! I did... and trust me I was not dissapointed. The best movie that ive watched in the last 3-4 years... of course after BLACK. Amir;s back. n' If u havent't seen this one yet... u are still missing something important.

2005-11-06T09:36:00.000+05:30

Diwali at IIT Kharagpur

This was my second Diwali in Kharagpur..... Each time i have been just overawed by the kind of effort that IITians put for the celebration... for many it is the one single event of the year.... for others it is a waste of time and money..... I belong the first kind... I really love the dedication put into this single event... and with so much dedication how can anything in the world not be achieved!!!! Obviously it has been a huge success over the last many many years....One thing that did dishearten me and probably any other RPian or RKite was the judging...this is one sureshot way to kill the whole passion for the event..... My salute to all the students who put in even a single moment of hard work into either of Illu or rangoli.

To anyone who has not seen Illumination ... i would definitely say..... If by any chance u happen to be in Calcutta during Diwali... do come down to Kharagpur....

2005-11-04T15:40:00.000+05:30

Then and Now

The last few years have been all spent away from home.. some things have changed, others haven't....

Delhi... the first time i went away from home...I still wonder why suddenly so many people really thought I was good in studies and why they had so high expectations of me... I entered the school.... with one of the lowest grades among students there....i still found praises from all !!!! Whatever the reason... I think it has helped me a lot....even to this day.... I though I did well in most thing....well almost.... These two years had a huge impact on the way I 'think'....

Bangalore....After the failed dream tryst with 'IIT', I joined ISI not so willingly......'research'.....something that I was sure I would I would never do...I think destiny took me there... Still it was the two best years of my life....even though I saw everything but success..... I think that it was a closed world.. we did not know what there was in the larger world and were satisfied with whatever we had.... I had the best experience a person can probably get.... FAILURE..... At this stage I think that this is one thing that every individual should go through.....without failure life is definitely incomplete..... After Banglore i was sure that i can see through any kind of challenge in life..... Banglaore changed me a lot.... May be a transition from a kiddish mind to a more mature one took place there......

Have i changed ... Probabaly yes....Welll i actually dont know ..... And there hasn't been one single person who's lived with me to see the changes.... To me it's all the same.......

2005-11-02T15:32:00.000+05:30

I really hate the Comp.....

If television was the 'Idiot's Box', computer is the 'Maniacal's Box'. Anyone who's lived with me for even six months knows how much this one thing has screwed me... Probably this is the one and only addiction i have in my life.. no daru no sutta but all bakchodi on computer... be it internet be it AOE, be it quake be it baldur's gate or be it some low level games...be it audiogalaxy be it Kazaa or be it spending long hours on the net collecting photographs of my favorite actresses, you name it and i have spent hours on that thing in front of my comp...

I hope I'll change before it is too late!!!!!